No, this entry is not meant to be ironically titled, considering that I haven't written anything in MONTHS. A good friend and I met up recently after a long hiatus. We were talking about relationships. Isn't that what we women mostly talk about? I guess there are other things to discuss. The weather, new shoes, how the job is going, the kids, the dog....whatnot. But, when the rubber meets the road, (and trust me, it inevitably will if you are good enough friends) most female conversations end up about relationships.
All in all, relationships are all the same, I'd argue. Your boss, your friend, your co-worker, your spouse, your kids, your God. The key to the sustainability to any relationship is good communication. My friend really made that point with me. She said, to paraphrase, "I think, given the right variables, nearly anyone could get married, so long as they are committed to communication."
But, as I've said recently in a note I wrote on Facebook, the words Honesty and Truth are not synonymous. Both are utterly necessary for a relationship to work. However, I'm not good at honesty. Well, I'm good at not LYING, but I'm not good at disclosing my feelings or thoughts in a given situation. I hate conflict. I really, really hate it. I have to push the cloud of fears aside to express how I really feel about something. This is my greatest challenge in life.
I dream of it though. I literally daydream about cultivating relationships (or even one) where I'm dead honest. If I like something or someone, I just say it. If I need something or someone, I express that need. Just the idea of that feels incredible gutsy to me. I definitely don't put myself out there....
Okay, I'm going to try to be as real as I can as I write any new entries in this blog. Let's see what happens in the coming weeks.......
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
The stuff we say....
Our culture is full of empty statements and meaningless questions. We repeat these things as if they have any significance or are helpful in any way. It's funny what we've become used to.
Person 1: How are you?
Person 2: Good, thanks. And you?
Person 1: Good, thanks.
We rarely want to know how someone is really doing. I remember one time when I was just starting my senior year of high school, I ran into my favorite teacher in the hallway. I asked him, "How are you?" and he answered. Honestly. He told me all about his awful summer, tragedies and sorrows. It made me sad for two reasons. 1) He had experienced a really rough time. 2) I had to admit to myself that I didn't actually mean it when I had asked him, but I did care once he started talking. Our typical response of "Good, thanks" is rarely true anyway. The word good is so general and, in fact, inaccurate. If anything, you are doing well. Grammar hound here. :)
To your friend: Oh, my dear BFF, you'll find someone even better than that jerk!
We say this to our loved ones. We tell them this whenever someone hurts them or breaks their hearts. And we don't want them to hurt. This statement might mostly be true, but let's be honest. They'll find someone different. "Better" is completely subjective. Better in some ways, worse in others maybe. What I want to say is this, instead. "I'm gonna pray so hard that the next time you fall in love it will be with someone who treats you with love, respect and honesty. But, most of all, they will love Jesus with such commitment and passion that loving you will come naturally to them."
Person 1: I'm sorry.
Person 2: It's okay.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I downright HATE this one. I refuse to receive "It's okay" as an acceptable response to "I'm sorry." Because, as a matter of fact, it is not okay. What you did sucked. It hurt me. It was mean / selfish / rude, etc.... Instead, I will say, "I forgive you." (With the help of God, I might add.) We need more forgiveness in this world and a lot less of the pathetic, mediocre "okay" garbage. I know a family that is really good at saying "I forgive you" and I've learned a lot from them. Actually, the biggest lesson is that when someone says it to you after you've apologized, you suddenly realize that you needed forgiveness. It opens your eyes to how much you messed up or actually hurt the person. If they say, it was "okay" then it gets glossed over and minimized. Hearing "I forgive you" is powerful. It reveals whether or not you were really sorry in the first place.
I dream of living in a society where we do away with this kind of drivel. I want to have real conversations. No glossing over, no walking on eggshells, just real, honest stuff. (All done in love, of course.)
What are some trite statements or questions that get under your skin?
Person 1: How are you?
Person 2: Good, thanks. And you?
Person 1: Good, thanks.
We rarely want to know how someone is really doing. I remember one time when I was just starting my senior year of high school, I ran into my favorite teacher in the hallway. I asked him, "How are you?" and he answered. Honestly. He told me all about his awful summer, tragedies and sorrows. It made me sad for two reasons. 1) He had experienced a really rough time. 2) I had to admit to myself that I didn't actually mean it when I had asked him, but I did care once he started talking. Our typical response of "Good, thanks" is rarely true anyway. The word good is so general and, in fact, inaccurate. If anything, you are doing well. Grammar hound here. :)
To your friend: Oh, my dear BFF, you'll find someone even better than that jerk!
We say this to our loved ones. We tell them this whenever someone hurts them or breaks their hearts. And we don't want them to hurt. This statement might mostly be true, but let's be honest. They'll find someone different. "Better" is completely subjective. Better in some ways, worse in others maybe. What I want to say is this, instead. "I'm gonna pray so hard that the next time you fall in love it will be with someone who treats you with love, respect and honesty. But, most of all, they will love Jesus with such commitment and passion that loving you will come naturally to them."
Person 1: I'm sorry.
Person 2: It's okay.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I downright HATE this one. I refuse to receive "It's okay" as an acceptable response to "I'm sorry." Because, as a matter of fact, it is not okay. What you did sucked. It hurt me. It was mean / selfish / rude, etc.... Instead, I will say, "I forgive you." (With the help of God, I might add.) We need more forgiveness in this world and a lot less of the pathetic, mediocre "okay" garbage. I know a family that is really good at saying "I forgive you" and I've learned a lot from them. Actually, the biggest lesson is that when someone says it to you after you've apologized, you suddenly realize that you needed forgiveness. It opens your eyes to how much you messed up or actually hurt the person. If they say, it was "okay" then it gets glossed over and minimized. Hearing "I forgive you" is powerful. It reveals whether or not you were really sorry in the first place.
I dream of living in a society where we do away with this kind of drivel. I want to have real conversations. No glossing over, no walking on eggshells, just real, honest stuff. (All done in love, of course.)
What are some trite statements or questions that get under your skin?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The Void
I love Norah Ephron movies. Twice now, I've noticed that she's written screenplays in which her principal female character says something about putting her thoughts out into the great cosmic "void"...as if no one is really listening or cares about what she has on her mind.
To this concept, I can deeply relate. This blog has been a funny thing for me. On one hand, I want people to read it and get something out of it. Insight, humor, empathy...etc. On the other hand, I kinda like the idea that no one may be reading it, so I can feel free to say whatever the heck I want about life with no concern over a critical response from the reader.
So, I've decided to throw caution to the wind and just write what I want to write about. There's nothing I'll say here that God will be surprised by and His presence negates the idea of the cosmos being void. So, Lord, hope you like my blog. I think You may be my only regular reader.
You know what sucks.....being pulled into too many directions and feeling like you want conflicting things.
I like being alone, but I don't actually want to be alone.
I want to have friends, but I really have to push myself to make an effort to maintain friendships.
I am an independent, strong and confident woman, but I like the idea of a loving husband (someday soon) who would want to "take care" of me.
Blech. Confusing.
The other day, I had this thought about myself as a genuine adult for really the first time in my life. I'm 32. That feels like all kinds of dysfunction. How does a 32 year old woman only just realize that she's an adult? I've lived on my own, even many hours away from family, held down legitmate jobs, paid my own bills, etc...for years! And yet, I am only recently feeling "grown up". I don't really like it. Well, sometimes I do, but not today. Today I wish I could just be a kid again and have an allowance.
Life is weird.
To this concept, I can deeply relate. This blog has been a funny thing for me. On one hand, I want people to read it and get something out of it. Insight, humor, empathy...etc. On the other hand, I kinda like the idea that no one may be reading it, so I can feel free to say whatever the heck I want about life with no concern over a critical response from the reader.
So, I've decided to throw caution to the wind and just write what I want to write about. There's nothing I'll say here that God will be surprised by and His presence negates the idea of the cosmos being void. So, Lord, hope you like my blog. I think You may be my only regular reader.
You know what sucks.....being pulled into too many directions and feeling like you want conflicting things.
I like being alone, but I don't actually want to be alone.
I want to have friends, but I really have to push myself to make an effort to maintain friendships.
I am an independent, strong and confident woman, but I like the idea of a loving husband (someday soon) who would want to "take care" of me.
Blech. Confusing.
The other day, I had this thought about myself as a genuine adult for really the first time in my life. I'm 32. That feels like all kinds of dysfunction. How does a 32 year old woman only just realize that she's an adult? I've lived on my own, even many hours away from family, held down legitmate jobs, paid my own bills, etc...for years! And yet, I am only recently feeling "grown up". I don't really like it. Well, sometimes I do, but not today. Today I wish I could just be a kid again and have an allowance.
Life is weird.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Loving One Another
I've been thinking a lot lately about the Christian condition. These days it seems like Christians have a problem with each other more than ever. Conservative-types have issues with more liberal thinkers. Liberal-types are frustrated by the conservative ones. And a myriad of gray-shades in between.
I'll tell you what frustrates me. All of that garbage. Jesus told us that the world would know that the Father had sent him by our love for one another - meaning how believers would love one another.
As Christians, we are really struggling with this. Why? Why do we show less love and forgiveness for other Christians than we do for the non-believer or on-their-way-to-believing person?
We tend to say "hypocrite" way more often than we say "I forgive you". We focus more on what we don't like about each other's perspective than we do on what Jesus actually told us to do.
I put myself in that same boat though. Don't get me wrong. I've fallen into bad attitudes about Christians (all types) at many times in my life. But, this is not helping the cause of spreading the Gospel in the world.
Maybe we need a reminder of what the Gospel really is. It is this.
That while we were still sinners, Jesus died for us. That God loved this world so unbelievably much that He sent His son, Jesus, to die for our sins so that not a single person needs to be separated from Him if they would simply put their trust in Jesus. That we are called to share this amazing news with the world, make disciples of Jesus and go around being representatives of the Kingdom of God in the world. That we are to care for the poor, the orphan, the widow. We are to be the BODY of Christ, undivided, unified, purposeful in the Earth.
Let's do that, instead of being angry at each other. Let's focus on the things the Lord Himself has told us to do.
Let's also LOVE each other. What is LOVE? Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, it is not proud, or rude or self-seeking. It is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrong. Love doesn't rejoice in evil, but in the truth. It protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. It NEVER fails.
Help us, Jesus, to be what you said we could be.
Brothers. Sisters. Your Body. Your Bride.
Love,
Katy
I'll tell you what frustrates me. All of that garbage. Jesus told us that the world would know that the Father had sent him by our love for one another - meaning how believers would love one another.
As Christians, we are really struggling with this. Why? Why do we show less love and forgiveness for other Christians than we do for the non-believer or on-their-way-to-believing person?
We tend to say "hypocrite" way more often than we say "I forgive you". We focus more on what we don't like about each other's perspective than we do on what Jesus actually told us to do.
I put myself in that same boat though. Don't get me wrong. I've fallen into bad attitudes about Christians (all types) at many times in my life. But, this is not helping the cause of spreading the Gospel in the world.
Maybe we need a reminder of what the Gospel really is. It is this.
That while we were still sinners, Jesus died for us. That God loved this world so unbelievably much that He sent His son, Jesus, to die for our sins so that not a single person needs to be separated from Him if they would simply put their trust in Jesus. That we are called to share this amazing news with the world, make disciples of Jesus and go around being representatives of the Kingdom of God in the world. That we are to care for the poor, the orphan, the widow. We are to be the BODY of Christ, undivided, unified, purposeful in the Earth.
Let's do that, instead of being angry at each other. Let's focus on the things the Lord Himself has told us to do.
Let's also LOVE each other. What is LOVE? Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, it is not proud, or rude or self-seeking. It is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrong. Love doesn't rejoice in evil, but in the truth. It protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. It NEVER fails.
Help us, Jesus, to be what you said we could be.
Brothers. Sisters. Your Body. Your Bride.
Love,
Katy
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Epic Lack of Confidence
I have known this about myself for a long time, but this week, it's just smacking me in the face over and over. I have a ridiculously epic lack of confidence. Oh, and I fear the unknown.
These two "problems" result in this: I will never be an astronaut. And I will probably have a really hard time finding a good guy to date.
On a total whim, I signed up for a free dating service the other day. It was a disaster. I should have known myself a bit better and just quit filling out the stupid form, but no. I went ahead and signed up, writing a little blurb about how I need my independence and that I'm not sure if I will ever feel differently (I sound like quite a catch don't I) and putting up a relatively cute picture of myself.
Ugh. I got a couple emails from some dudes that were way too old for me and way too out there as well. I also got one, very simple, totally nice email from a guy who's 4 years younger than me that I think now currently hates my guts.
He, gentlemanly, offered that we could just IM at first. So, I did. I put his contact name in my instant messenger and started up an introductory convo. He was funny and nice, taking pretty clever digs at our age difference to break the ice. It worked. Then, I started to freak out. This totally nice guy, who's bored and just trying to be friendly, suggested that we meet up for coffee.
Now, let me just say that I know that online dating works for some people. But, it makes me feel 1000% awkward. There's this unspoken pressure to sort of get the serious questions out of the way before you even meet. Do you have (want) kids? What's your situation? What do you mean by "I'm a Christian"?
Ugh squared. So, I asked him the last question, about being a Christian. He gave a typical, general answer about identifying with a mainline denomination and that he hasn't really been going to church lately.
I can feel the "oh no" gears grinding in me at this point. Two reasons: 1) He may not really have a connection to the Lord that I am hoping for and 2) Why in the world did I start talking to this guy and give him any hope when I really don't want to online date in the first place!!!!!
So, then I try to think of reasons to gracefully backpedal my way out. And I do my best, but it apparently wasn't enough. He got kinda pissed. I can't blame him. I probably seemed really lame.
He called me a hypocrite, shallow and he said that he could "start to see why I was single".
STINGER. Ouch. But, he's probably right. I even told him that.
Okay, second story about my epic lack of confidence.
I had a job interview today. I think it went well overall. The interviewer seemed to really like me and my answers were what she was looking for. Then, I spent some time sidled up to a couple of her staff members to watch what they do.
I was totally intimidated. Could I do this job?
In reality, yes, I can. History has taught me that I have always been able to take on a new challenge and do well. But, whenever I look at something for the first time, my mind goes absolutely nuts. I think of all the things that scare me about it, all that could go wrong, the myriad of ways that I could fail and I start cowering.
So, I need some dang confidence. I need to not be afraid to fail. Better yet, I need to not be afraid to try.
I can't fix that situation with the guy. He's long gone, probably telling all his friends about the jerk he met online. But, I can try out this job. If they offer it to me, I'll accept.
Hello Challenge...my name is Katy and victory is mine!!!!
These two "problems" result in this: I will never be an astronaut. And I will probably have a really hard time finding a good guy to date.
On a total whim, I signed up for a free dating service the other day. It was a disaster. I should have known myself a bit better and just quit filling out the stupid form, but no. I went ahead and signed up, writing a little blurb about how I need my independence and that I'm not sure if I will ever feel differently (I sound like quite a catch don't I) and putting up a relatively cute picture of myself.
Ugh. I got a couple emails from some dudes that were way too old for me and way too out there as well. I also got one, very simple, totally nice email from a guy who's 4 years younger than me that I think now currently hates my guts.
He, gentlemanly, offered that we could just IM at first. So, I did. I put his contact name in my instant messenger and started up an introductory convo. He was funny and nice, taking pretty clever digs at our age difference to break the ice. It worked. Then, I started to freak out. This totally nice guy, who's bored and just trying to be friendly, suggested that we meet up for coffee.
Now, let me just say that I know that online dating works for some people. But, it makes me feel 1000% awkward. There's this unspoken pressure to sort of get the serious questions out of the way before you even meet. Do you have (want) kids? What's your situation? What do you mean by "I'm a Christian"?
Ugh squared. So, I asked him the last question, about being a Christian. He gave a typical, general answer about identifying with a mainline denomination and that he hasn't really been going to church lately.
I can feel the "oh no" gears grinding in me at this point. Two reasons: 1) He may not really have a connection to the Lord that I am hoping for and 2) Why in the world did I start talking to this guy and give him any hope when I really don't want to online date in the first place!!!!!
So, then I try to think of reasons to gracefully backpedal my way out. And I do my best, but it apparently wasn't enough. He got kinda pissed. I can't blame him. I probably seemed really lame.
He called me a hypocrite, shallow and he said that he could "start to see why I was single".
STINGER. Ouch. But, he's probably right. I even told him that.
Okay, second story about my epic lack of confidence.
I had a job interview today. I think it went well overall. The interviewer seemed to really like me and my answers were what she was looking for. Then, I spent some time sidled up to a couple of her staff members to watch what they do.
I was totally intimidated. Could I do this job?
In reality, yes, I can. History has taught me that I have always been able to take on a new challenge and do well. But, whenever I look at something for the first time, my mind goes absolutely nuts. I think of all the things that scare me about it, all that could go wrong, the myriad of ways that I could fail and I start cowering.
So, I need some dang confidence. I need to not be afraid to fail. Better yet, I need to not be afraid to try.
I can't fix that situation with the guy. He's long gone, probably telling all his friends about the jerk he met online. But, I can try out this job. If they offer it to me, I'll accept.
Hello Challenge...my name is Katy and victory is mine!!!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
A New Year
It's about to become 2010. Doesn't that sound amazing? 15 years ago, I graduated from high school. I remember on the eve of the new year of 1995, I could hardly imagine a time in the future where I'd use the word "twenty" in the year. It sounded impossibly distant, although it was only 5 years away at the time. Now, fifteen years later, I just say wow.
To be honest, I've never been a big celebrator of New Year's Eve. I don't really have anything against its celebration, it's just not really my thing. I don't drink, really. I don't like noise. I tend to go to bed at a reasonable hour. So, nothing about the "normal" ways to celebrate this holiday naturally appeals to me.
But I do like the idea of starting a new year. It feels full of mystery and promise....it could become or bring anything. 2010 might be the first year that I actually get into shape, have a job I truly enjoy or even meet a great guy. The flip side is that it could bring unexpected heartbreak or tragedy.
Either way, I know the Lord will be with me.
I hope this year is a winner though. But, I know that I have to own my part in its success or failure. For example, I know that I am quite a loner. I like being alone, reading, watching a movie, cruising the web, etc... My seclusion is self-imposed. I enjoy the solitary life.
Tonight, I'm hanging by myself to ring in the new year (and let's be real, I might not even stay up until midnight). I don't HAVE to be alone, I choose it. And this choice reflects most of my social decisions. I think I'm single because I want to be. I have a very small group of friends because that's what I choose. I realize it doesn't have to be this way. So, maybe this new year will be the year that I branch out.
But don't hold your breath, for I'm also a creature of habit.
Blessings on your new year.
Katy
To be honest, I've never been a big celebrator of New Year's Eve. I don't really have anything against its celebration, it's just not really my thing. I don't drink, really. I don't like noise. I tend to go to bed at a reasonable hour. So, nothing about the "normal" ways to celebrate this holiday naturally appeals to me.
But I do like the idea of starting a new year. It feels full of mystery and promise....it could become or bring anything. 2010 might be the first year that I actually get into shape, have a job I truly enjoy or even meet a great guy. The flip side is that it could bring unexpected heartbreak or tragedy.
Either way, I know the Lord will be with me.
I hope this year is a winner though. But, I know that I have to own my part in its success or failure. For example, I know that I am quite a loner. I like being alone, reading, watching a movie, cruising the web, etc... My seclusion is self-imposed. I enjoy the solitary life.
Tonight, I'm hanging by myself to ring in the new year (and let's be real, I might not even stay up until midnight). I don't HAVE to be alone, I choose it. And this choice reflects most of my social decisions. I think I'm single because I want to be. I have a very small group of friends because that's what I choose. I realize it doesn't have to be this way. So, maybe this new year will be the year that I branch out.
But don't hold your breath, for I'm also a creature of habit.
Blessings on your new year.
Katy
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My (Mother's) Hands
by Katy McDonald
Both pinkies curve in slightly
Skin is dry and stretched tightly
The nail beds are small and brittle
Practically every pore is visible
A study of my hands
Full of imperfection
Wish they were more feminine
Meant for hard work, not cups of tea
Despite the flaws, they comfort me
They are my mother’s hands
Both pinkies curve in slightly
Skin is dry and stretched tightly
The nail beds are small and brittle
Practically every pore is visible
A study of my hands
Full of imperfection
Wish they were more feminine
Meant for hard work, not cups of tea
Despite the flaws, they comfort me
They are my mother’s hands
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