Our culture is full of empty statements and meaningless questions. We repeat these things as if they have any significance or are helpful in any way. It's funny what we've become used to.
Person 1: How are you?
Person 2: Good, thanks. And you?
Person 1: Good, thanks.
We rarely want to know how someone is really doing. I remember one time when I was just starting my senior year of high school, I ran into my favorite teacher in the hallway. I asked him, "How are you?" and he answered. Honestly. He told me all about his awful summer, tragedies and sorrows. It made me sad for two reasons. 1) He had experienced a really rough time. 2) I had to admit to myself that I didn't actually mean it when I had asked him, but I did care once he started talking. Our typical response of "Good, thanks" is rarely true anyway. The word good is so general and, in fact, inaccurate. If anything, you are doing well. Grammar hound here. :)
To your friend: Oh, my dear BFF, you'll find someone even better than that jerk!
We say this to our loved ones. We tell them this whenever someone hurts them or breaks their hearts. And we don't want them to hurt. This statement might mostly be true, but let's be honest. They'll find someone different. "Better" is completely subjective. Better in some ways, worse in others maybe. What I want to say is this, instead. "I'm gonna pray so hard that the next time you fall in love it will be with someone who treats you with love, respect and honesty. But, most of all, they will love Jesus with such commitment and passion that loving you will come naturally to them."
Person 1: I'm sorry.
Person 2: It's okay.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I downright HATE this one. I refuse to receive "It's okay" as an acceptable response to "I'm sorry." Because, as a matter of fact, it is not okay. What you did sucked. It hurt me. It was mean / selfish / rude, etc.... Instead, I will say, "I forgive you." (With the help of God, I might add.) We need more forgiveness in this world and a lot less of the pathetic, mediocre "okay" garbage. I know a family that is really good at saying "I forgive you" and I've learned a lot from them. Actually, the biggest lesson is that when someone says it to you after you've apologized, you suddenly realize that you needed forgiveness. It opens your eyes to how much you messed up or actually hurt the person. If they say, it was "okay" then it gets glossed over and minimized. Hearing "I forgive you" is powerful. It reveals whether or not you were really sorry in the first place.
I dream of living in a society where we do away with this kind of drivel. I want to have real conversations. No glossing over, no walking on eggshells, just real, honest stuff. (All done in love, of course.)
What are some trite statements or questions that get under your skin?
your third one is my first...okay and forgive are SO different. forgiveness is better...it acknowledges the wrong and the effort to make it right...
ReplyDeleteanother one is "I'll pray for you"...I know it should be true if someone says it but it feels like a pacifier instead of a genuine act...there are some people who I know do pray and I don't mind when they say it. When I say it I mean it...
Yes! That is definitely one. I've become really conscious of that and make sure I do it if I'm going to say it. If it's a written response , I pray right then in the moment. Sometimes I do it in person too....why not, right? That's such a serious thing to say, so it should be backed up with action. Prayer is powerful. In a way, to not follow through on that offer feels like "using the Lord's name in vain" to me.
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