1 Peter 2:7-9

Therefore, to you who believe, He is precious; but to those who are disobedient, “The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone,” and “A stone of stumbling and a rock of offense.” They stumble, being disobedient to the word, to which they also were appointed.

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special (i.e.: peculiar) people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light…

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Void

I love Norah Ephron movies. Twice now, I've noticed that she's written screenplays in which her principal female character says something about putting her thoughts out into the great cosmic "void"...as if no one is really listening or cares about what she has on her mind.

 To this concept, I can deeply relate. This blog has been a funny thing for me. On one hand, I want people to read it and get something out of it. Insight, humor, empathy...etc. On the other hand, I kinda like the idea that no one may be reading it, so I can feel free to say whatever the heck I want about life with no concern over a critical response from the reader.

 So, I've decided to throw caution to the wind and just write what I want to write about. There's nothing I'll say here that God will be surprised by and His presence negates the idea of the cosmos being void. So, Lord, hope you like my blog. I think You may be my only regular reader.

 You know what sucks.....being pulled into too many directions and feeling like you want conflicting things.

 I like being alone, but I don't actually want to be alone.
I want to have friends, but I really have to push myself to make an effort to maintain friendships.
I am an independent, strong and confident woman, but I like the idea of a loving husband (someday soon) who would want to "take care" of me.

 Blech. Confusing.

 The other day, I had this thought about myself as a genuine adult for really the first time in my life. I'm 32. That feels like all kinds of dysfunction. How does a 32 year old woman only just realize that she's an adult? I've lived on my own, even many hours away from family, held down legitmate jobs, paid my own bills, etc...for years! And yet, I am only recently feeling "grown up". I don't really like it. Well, sometimes I do, but not today. Today I wish I could just be a kid again and have an allowance.

 Life is weird.
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4 comments:

  1. Jamie WillowFebruary 25, 2010 at 8:56 PM

    I read you! I'm subscribed :) love ya girl...I completely 100% relate to everything you posted.

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  2. Katy McDonaldFebruary 26, 2010 at 7:49 AM

    Thanks Jamie. You're a great friend. Love you too. :)

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  3. BurkinatorFebruary 26, 2010 at 7:50 AM

    Thanks to Google reader, I always read when you've posted. It's the only way I can get some Katy in my life. : ) And blogs with no opinion are boring, so go for it, girl.

    As for the independent but want to be taken care of ... I had a hard time with that. It may be because having something you think you want requires setting aside the only way you've ever lived. But when we give up things like that by entrusting them to God, He replaces them with far better gifts. Life doesn't suddenly reach perfection, but it's sweeter somehow. At least that has been my experience the past few years. Eventually, I sensed God asking me, "Are you going to take the life I'm giving you? Did you really want the things you've asked me for? Then trust Me and try accepting them when I put them right in front of your face!"

    Sometimes He gets pretty stern with me. :)

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  4. Katy McDonaldFebruary 26, 2010 at 2:57 PM

    I hear you, Kristen. Thanks for the encouragement. And thanks for reading my silly old blog. I won't hold back. :)

    ReplyDelete

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