Men are so pretty...

Have you noticed in nature that the male of a species often are much prettier than their female counterparts?

I noticed this when I came across two Mallards in our parking lot at work the other day.

The male has this lovely, bright green head and vibrant, yellow beak.  The female is mostly brown and white, with only a small patch of brilliant blue on her wing.

Why did God do this?  I suppose it's because the female of the species usually has to spend a lot of time with young.  She must blend into her surroundings to keep her and the babies safe.  The males, who go off to wherever they like, (possibly foraging for food to bring home to the family?) have lovely plumage.  I also think they are "pretty" so they attract female attention in the first place.  :)

I have noticed that I think this way about human males as well.  They seem to have the shinier hair and full, lavish eyelashes.  Their lips can be quite nice and their general face shape can be more pleasant than a woman's sometimes.  And their bodies have the ability to become much stronger and more muscular than ours, with less work in the gym.   (Obviously, all of these descriptions are not always the case with every man.)

We, women, often spend a lot of time on our hair and makeup in order to adorn ourselves with external beauty.  I've wondered if we do this because we subconsciously are trying to keep up with the natural beauty of men.  Interesting...

And yet, I have heard many men profess that they don't like it when women overdo their makeup and hair.  They think it looks fake and unnatural.  They have said that a woman who appreciates her natural state is much prettier to them.

I wonder if the male Mallard feels the same way.  Sure, the female has simple brown feathers and just a small blue patch to adorn her wings, but to him, she is beautiful, just as she is.

A Handmade Gift

When it's your birthday, there are few greater things than a thoughtful gift.  To me, one of those few greater things is a handmade gift made with love.  My sister made me a birthday gift like that last year.

She took a piece of old wood, painted it in colors that matched my decor, adhered an image of a young woman to it, and wrote a sweet saying about how "a sister is the greatest ally a young woman can have."

I knew exactly how she made it. 

Does knowing how a gift is made take away from the sentiment behind it?  I don't think so.  Sure, I understand the technical realities around what she did and how she gathered her supplies, but I also understand something more important.

I know that my sister made it with love.

That is how I see the creation of the universe, planet Earth, and all life that lives on it.  It is a beautiful gift from God.  

As humans, we love to argue about how exactly, technically this work was accomplished.  

Some people want furiously to believe that because we might be able to explain the mechanics of how the universe came to be, we can subsequently dismiss the concept of a creative being.  These people feel if we can explain things, we negate the need for what they see as a crutch, a child-like wish that a God exists.

Others fervently argue that to acknowledge some possible scientific theories is to negate our trust in God.  These people fear that accepting these theories is disrespectful of the stories and analogies they have heard about creation their entire lives.  They fear that believing the Bible used analogies in some places, like instead of a literal description of creation events, is downright blasphemy.

I disagree.  I think we can see the world through both lenses. This is how I see it. Science attempts to explain how God made things.  Faith, hope, and love attempts to explain why God made things.  People in all sorts of religions believe there is a Creator God who fashioned the world.  Many of them would say that God did this through, for, and because of LOVE.

The beauty and mystery of life is discovered when we embrace both possibilities.  I am not suggesting that all scientific experiments, theories, and ideas are facts upon which we all must agree.  They are, in fact, experiments, theories, and ideas.  Some ideas have been proven through repeatable experiments.  Others have not and remain as simply "ideas".

In all cases, though, I would suggest that no matter what science proves or disproves about certain processes, it does not make void the existence of God.  Personally, I truly believe we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).  I truly believe that Jesus, the Word of God, is the source through which everything that was made (John 1:3).  What I'm not worried about is how exactly God made all of that happen.

I also believe that we, humans, understand this reality of the blending of the scientific and the spiritual in our own daily lives.  We know that our bodies come together to make children.  A very scientific, biological process takes place to develop that child in the womb.  We also know that children are made from love.  We do many things in practical ways for emotional reasons.  We can take technical steps for spiritual causes. 

We are the handmade gift of God.  I'm not afraid or worried or even all that interested in knowing what resources he used and what steps he took to put me together.

Love,

Katy

Facebook Breakup

Teenagers today are so used to living a large majority of their social lives through technological means.  I've known some kids who initiated new "romantic" relationships, conducted those relationships, and ended those relationships all through Facebook.  (Is it fair to put quotation marks around "romantic"?  I think so...  However, I do acknowledge that there was a time when new romances were forged through letter writing, so...)

That's not actually what I'm going to talk about, though, in this post.

Facebook and I have broken up.

I know that many people enjoy FB.  I did, too, for a while.  At first, it was exciting.  Facebook gave me the ability to reconnect with a lot of old friends and forge new connections with new friends.  I even have "met" a couple of great people who I have never actually met in person.  You know who you are. :)

So, I can't completely regret my time with Facebook.  But, like a bad relationship, it became toxic for me to remain in it.

Why?

1)  I started to not like myself.  I got so unbelievably sick of seeing my own face hover around every single page.  With the current release of FB, my photo sat next to an empty comment box underneath every single item in the news feed.  On my own timeline, the same was true.  I saw myself everywhere!  Beyond that, I was tired of my obsessive nature being fed by the FB giant.  I felt compelled to post new status updates constantly.  I was sick of my own virtual voice.

2)  I started to not like my friends.  I struggled to like people that I love, trusted, am related to, work with...it didn't matter who they were.  If I saw something they did that made me uncomfortable or if they expressed an opinion that chafed against my own, I was constantly tempted to unfriend them or, at a minimum, hide their updates from my news feed.  What is that???  I'm not like that in real life!!!  So, I asked myself why I felt that way online.  I think it's because the online world gave me unhealthy doses of two things.  Information and anonymity.  I could silently watch my friends comment and post photos and silently sit in judgment of them.  Maybe not everyone does this.  I did.  It started to make me even sicker.

3)  I started to forget what it's like to actually have friends...in person.  I spent inordinate amounts of time online.  Granted, not every single minute on the internet was devoted to Facebook, but I can admit I am one of those people who checked my FB account way too many times throughout the day.  Worst yet, I had an almost out of body experience recently when I realized that I was at a party, IN PERSON,  and I stepped away to check my Facebook.  That's just messed up.

4)  I started to feel unsafe.  I felt unsafe in a lot of ways.  I didn't like Facebook's ever-changing policies.  I found myself logged into locations that made no sense on devices I didn't recognize.  I felt weird about the fact that I had personal information and photos posted all over that thing.  Worse yet, I didn't feel emotionally safe.  I felt like I couldn't really be myself.  Just like I was over-analyzing the things my friends were saying, I am just as certain they were doing the same of me.  As a Christian, I felt like my love for Jesus or my morals and values became taboo and unwelcome.  I didn't like feeling like a second class citizen.  I acknowledge that no one can make me feel this way.  But, I did feel that way.  And I felt like Facebook was a catalyst for me to feel that way about myself and I started to see it as a bit of a hostile, online community.

I share all this, well, because I can.  Heck, it's my blog.  But, I share it because I need to remind myself of the reasons why I let it go.  This unhealthy relationship I had with Facebook simply had / has to come to an end.

I deleted my account on Friday, March 29, 2013, at 7:30 PM (or so).  Just like some sort of emotionally abusive boyfriend, Facebook assumes I'll come running back because I can't find something more satisfying.  After I deleted it, the site literally sent me an email that stated that, "Your account is deleted.  However, it really is only suspended for the next 14 days.  If you log back in during those two weeks, your account will be reactivated immediately and none of your information will be lost."  And all will be right in the virtual world again and you will thank me that I didn't delete all your pictures, Katy.  And don't you want to remember what you posted in 2007????  (Okay, I added that last part.)

Facebook functions within a crafty level of brilliance.  I swear someone on their staff took a Psychology class or two and have applied the science that it takes at least 14 days to break a habit.  They're banking on the idea that I'll give in and come back.

Sorry, folks at Facebook HQ.  I'm not going back.  Yes, yes, I did go back two times before, when we temporarily broke up in the past.  But, I have found the confidence and the strength to let it go permanently this time.

By the way, if you feel like being a super good friend to me, please remind me of this resolute decision if I start to sound like I'm wavering.

In short, I'm free of this social experiment called Facebook.   I couldn't be happier.

Love,
Katy

What I Need

There are a lot of things that I want in life.   I want a good salary in a career I enjoy.  I want to travel more.  I want to have a dog someday that gets to run around a big, fenced in yard behind a house I own.  The list goes on....

But, before I get the things I want, I realize that I should focus first on what I need.  (in no particular order...)

1)  I need an education.  So, I'm pursuing one.  I recently completed my Associate's degree and now I'm working on a Bachelor's.  Finally...

2)  I need to be healthy.  So, I joined the Y, started eating healthy foods and reasonable portions, and set fitness goals for myself.  I feel better than I ever have in my entire life and it's just the beginning for me.

3)  I need God.  I have always been really aware of this.  Lately, though, I have become hyper aware of it.  This could be because I have a somewhat pessimistic view of the world right now and I have a sense that staying closely connected with the Lord is a really good idea.  So, I'm getting back into church and reading the Bible and, generally, just talking to Jesus more.

4)  I need relationships.  This is the hardest one for me, to be honest.  I'm not very good at connecting with other people.  I tend to stay inside my head too much.  I want to be authentic with people and I want close friendships, but I find myself over thinking it and being awkward.  I need to read some self-help books about making friends, maybe.  :)

What are some things you need?  What do you want?

I'm Rebellious

If I am about to take an exit off the highway, I'll go through these really fast mental gyrations about whether or not I should take Exit # 1 or Exit # 2 to get to my destination. I'll imagine all the roads at the end of each exit, thinking of how much or how little time it will take me, whether or not there are a lot of stop lights. After a laborious 15 seconds of internal debate, I'll finally decide. And, at the last second, I'll change my mind and take a different exit.

Why? Why do I do that? It's not just with exits. It's with far more important things. I'll tell myself that I will work 10 hours to make up lost time, but then I'll let myself off the hook and only work 8. Or, I'll insist that I'm not allowed to see a certain movie until a certain amount of my homework is done. Next thing I know I'm sitting in a dark theater watching the trailer for the upcoming installment of the Twilight saga, homework sitting safely, unfinished in my backpack in the trunk of my car.

Worse yet, this crazy behavior applies to my relationships as well. I'll like a guy. I mean REALLY like him. I might even spend months thinking about how amazing it would be to spend endless amounts of time with him. But, when the rubber meets the road, I'll back away, change my mind, go off in the total opposite direction and abandon all my silly plans of a potentially blissful future together.

I've figured out, just today, that I do this stuff as acts of rebellion.

I wasn't a very rebellious kid. I was observant. I watched what my brother and sister did. If their actions resulted in any form of discipline, then I would sincerely reconsider partaking in similar behavior. I don't mean to say that I was NEVER rebellious, but I was pretty good at avoiding obvious blunders or at least hiding them more effectively than my siblings.

I didn't want to displease my parents and I didn't want to hurt God's feelings by being naughty (a glimpse into my simple, screwed up, childlike theology). I wanted to be a good kid. As an adult, I'm still pretty much a rule-follower. I'm conscientious about clocking my time accurately at work. I adhere to policies and procedures. I don't steal cable or download pirated music. Sure, I speed a little on the highway, but they would never cast me for the "Fastest and Most Furious" movie that will inevitably come out next year. I try my best to not break laws, at least not the laws that others have set for me.

So, I think I set up laws for myself so that I have some laws I can break without feeling guilty. Wow. Isn't that such a revelation of the human condition? We desire to resist the law. Our hearts rage against being controlled by anyone, not even OURSELVES.

Thank you, Jesus, that you don't want to control me, but instead you love me, forgive me, and give me the best possible advice for living a life that is full and abundant.

I think, Romans 7:4-6, sums it up quite nicely for me (from the New Living Translation, but the emphasis is mine):

"So, my dear brothers and sisters, this is the point: You died to the power of the law, when you died with Christ. And now, you are united with the one who was raised from the dead. As a result, we can produce a harvest of good deeds for God. When we were controlled by our old nature, sinful desires were at work within us, and the law aroused these evil desires that produced a harvest of evil deeds, that resulted in death. But now, we have been released from the law, for we died to it and are no longer captive to its power. Now, we can serve God, not in the old way of obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way of living in the Spirit."

(By the way, I also highly recommend reading the rest of Romans 7. It's good stuff.)

So, I guess I don't need to find ways to be rebellious! I can be free with this new way of living. But, I definitely need Jesus to help me. Because, if left to my own devices, I definitely confuse myself and become a jumbled mess of doing and not doing a lot of unnecessary mental gymnastics about every choice I make!

Whew.... :)

Love,
Katy

Communication

No, this entry is not meant to be ironically titled, considering that I haven't written anything in MONTHS. A good friend and I met up recently after a long hiatus. We were talking about relationships. Isn't that what we women mostly talk about? I guess there are other things to discuss. The weather, new shoes, how the job is going, the kids, the dog....whatnot. But, when the rubber meets the road, (and trust me, it inevitably will if you are good enough friends) most female conversations end up about relationships.

All in all, relationships are all the same, I'd argue. Your boss, your friend, your co-worker, your spouse, your kids, your God. The key to the sustainability to any relationship is good communication. My friend really made that point with me. She said, to paraphrase, "I think, given the right variables, nearly anyone could get married, so long as they are committed to communication."

But, as I've said recently in a note I wrote on Facebook, the words Honesty and Truth are not synonymous. Both are utterly necessary for a relationship to work. However, I'm not good at honesty. Well, I'm good at not LYING, but I'm not good at disclosing my feelings or thoughts in a given situation. I hate conflict. I really, really hate it. I have to push the cloud of fears aside to express how I really feel about something. This is my greatest challenge in life.

I dream of it though. I literally daydream about cultivating relationships (or even one) where I'm dead honest. If I like something or someone, I just say it. If I need something or someone, I express that need. Just the idea of that feels incredible gutsy to me. I definitely don't put myself out there....

Okay, I'm going to try to be as real as I can as I write any new entries in this blog. Let's see what happens in the coming weeks.......

The stuff we say....

Our culture is full of empty statements and meaningless questions. We repeat these things as if they have any significance or are helpful in any way. It's funny what we've become used to.

Person 1: How are you?
Person 2: Good, thanks. And you?
Person 1: Good, thanks.

We rarely want to know how someone is really doing. I remember one time when I was just starting my senior year of high school, I ran into my favorite teacher in the hallway. I asked him, "How are you?" and he answered. Honestly. He told me all about his awful summer, tragedies and sorrows. It made me sad for two reasons. 1) He had experienced a really rough time. 2) I had to admit to myself that I didn't actually mean it when I had asked him, but I did care once he started talking. Our typical response of "Good, thanks" is rarely true anyway. The word good is so general and, in fact, inaccurate. If anything, you are doing well. Grammar hound here. :)

To your friend: Oh, my dear BFF, you'll find someone even better than that jerk!

We say this to our loved ones. We tell them this whenever someone hurts them or breaks their hearts. And we don't want them to hurt. This statement might mostly be true, but let's be honest. They'll find someone different. "Better" is completely subjective. Better in some ways, worse in others maybe. What I want to say is this, instead. "I'm gonna pray so hard that the next time you fall in love it will be with someone who treats you with love, respect and honesty. But, most of all, they will love Jesus with such commitment and passion that loving you will come naturally to them."

Person 1: I'm sorry.
Person 2: It's okay.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I downright HATE this one. I refuse to receive "It's okay" as an acceptable response to "I'm sorry." Because, as a matter of fact, it is not okay. What you did sucked. It hurt me. It was mean / selfish / rude, etc.... Instead, I will say, "I forgive you." (With the help of God, I might add.) We need more forgiveness in this world and a lot less of the pathetic, mediocre "okay" garbage. I know a family that is really good at saying "I forgive you" and I've learned a lot from them. Actually, the biggest lesson is that when someone says it to you after you've apologized, you suddenly realize that you needed forgiveness. It opens your eyes to how much you messed up or actually hurt the person. If they say, it was "okay" then it gets glossed over and minimized. Hearing "I forgive you" is powerful. It reveals whether or not you were really sorry in the first place.

I dream of living in a society where we do away with this kind of drivel. I want to have real conversations. No glossing over, no walking on eggshells, just real, honest stuff. (All done in love, of course.)

What are some trite statements or questions that get under your skin?